Hi all!,
This time I wanted to concentrate more on life's impact on ocd. When I go through hard times in my life. I seem to shut down to all that is good for me. I don't knit, crochet, read or sometimes even talk to people. I just go into a daze & find myself surfing endlessly for books and other things..It has left me wondering how many others do this? What are their strategies for coping? What are mine?
It is difficult to find the point at which I first start to self destruct!!..therefore I can have spent many hours already doing my rituals before it suddenly hits me that I am in the middle of a downward spiral. My advice if this happens to you is don't hit yourself over the head with the invisible mallet shouting ' you useless idiot'..try to take a moment of calm to reflect & ask yourself a few questions..how am I feeling now? what is going on in my life at this time? is there anything that is hurting either physical or emotional? am I under any undue pressure at home or at work? are there any little things nagging me?.What feels different has changed?
These questions can help us find perspective and not only give us an idea of how we are feeling at this time but also help us to think back at what might have triggered us. 'Change' of any kind even tiny things can have a big impact on ocd, as can stress.
Once you have answered these questions you may feel instantly worse because you are now facing knowledge of exactly what the route of the problem is..or atleast you should have some idea. I could say do not panic but as we know with ocd this is the first thing we do. at this point I am usually staring at amazon on the pc & pondering my next book or several...then a funny thing happened & I realised..What if I didn't order this book. What if the psycologist is right..if I can walk away & let this book thats sticking in my head just stick there..then I kept telling myself I wasn't gonna buy it for a couple of days..
When I came back to the screen a few days later..I wasn't feeling half as much as if I needed it as before... but it was a hard fight!..The thing is if only I could do this every time.. if only I was that strong..but life keeps throwing stuff at me..like it does all of us..in the weakest moments ocd strikes hard..then I want this thing and that thing and no telling myself 'you don't need it' will help atal!..I don't crochet or knit I just aquire..but now I am sitting here thinking that I need a plan of action!!
In order to overcome binge buying we must first recognise the unhelpful & helpful qualities of our own problems
For every one of us these will be of course different:
Recognise your triggers
when I aquire..where, why, how do I aquire?
I need to notice when I am going about my day the things that trigger me into going online and buying.. and when I am online doing stuff I need to know what things on websites are triggering me.. maybe a subject matter or colour or design..
my emotions are a big part of things to..if I am feeling particularly fragile probably best to steer clear of the pc..this extends to shops too..The biggest problem is that triggers are everywhere!.. I also have a tendency to overdo the housework..cleaning is another big way of avoiding stuff that bothers me so it builds up inside me.. Health problems, daily stresses, change, things people say either hurtful stuff or over constructive help, overdoing the housework etc & not having any 'me' time.. can all affect me.
Recognise your strengths & allies
The strength to think things through, to show compassion to others ( which could be extended to showing compassion for self), creative talents knitting, crocheting, artwork, writing (blogging,songs,stories, poetry), reading, singing,...other helpful allies: meditation, studying my beliefs, talking to friends and family, dancing (I'm not a dancer but fond of trying).
Be your own best friend
Don't be hard on yourself..keep trying..finding a close family member or friend who will not assist in your aquiring nor be critical is hard but not impossible..if you can find someone who you can turn to & ask them when I am going through it can you distract me by talking about something else to me, thats great..this can be very helpful. However also worth keeping in mind is.. when ocd strikes in the early hours of the morning.. or at a time when they are not available..ultimately at some point we must be alone with our illness and be accountable to ourselves for our actions.. however this cannot be done harshly as this will just create a vicious cycle of self harm.. In whatever form this takes whether physical or mental..it is not the answer..it can be dangerously addictive and add to your problems..if you are doing any kind of self harm..please seek professional help..so its important to always be good to yourself.
building on this point
Take some 'me' time
I know what you are thinking! if you work lots of hours, have kids etc etc.. it can be hard..but if we neglect ourselves then how can we expect to be well..if it is just five minutes of knitting or reading your fave mag on the bus on the way to work..DO IT!..even a cup of your fave coffee n remembering something you did that you enjoyed.. a joke that made you laugh of your babies first words..can mean alot especially when we are feeling very fragile. I keep a photo of my fiance & me opposite my bed so that she is the first thing I see when I wake up..its a great way to start my day..calming pictures like the sea.. or flowers and fave colours..maybe a crystal, a note or something small you can keep in your pocket & take out is a nice thing to keep with you..I love crystals myself..& the sea always calms me too..especially in meditation. what are yours?
Setting goals
I am determined I am going to make some handmade items..also that I am gonna make some savings for my future..I know its hard to achieve goals but if we do not set them in the first place we will never have anything to achieve..which then just leaves us nothing to aim for..they need not be big goals..I have had days when I have struggled to motivate myself to pick up a crochet hook when ocd depression has set in..so I set myself the task of starting a granny square..then when I managed to start it I set myself the goal of completing it..I was so happy when it was done..just a simple thing helped me that day..be proud of your accomplishments no matter how little they may seem to others its what matters to you that counts!.yourself when you achieve something..give yourself words of encouragement..just don't fall into the trap of buying yourself a reward!!!
remember you are not alone..I am struggling too..big hugs :)
...if you find my post helpful please leave me a comment.also if you would like to share your own thoughts on ocd I'd love to hear from you..
take care until next time..
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