Saturday 31 March 2018
It's a few years since I have posted. To be honest I'd totally forgotten about keeping a blog. I'm still doing my crochet and knitting aswell. I've also started journaling to get my thoughts and feelings down, I find that helps me alot. I've still got far too many books and I'm addicted to buying patterns and yarn. But isn't every knitter and crocheter. I will have to do a few posts for the things I have made. I mainly make scarves and cowl's the most recent one is the serenity cowl by Kristin Omdahl which can be found on her website and YouTube channel. You will find both by searching her name. It's very easy to make and uses sport weight that's double knit yarn for those of us in the UK.
Tuesday 7 January 2014
New years resolutions..we all have them but how many people keep them??..I have made a very big one myself..I am planning on starting an online business..it will be mainly freeform garments..I think it will take a long time to complete enough garments to start out..wish me luck!
Friday 22 November 2013
Taking a leap of faith
This post is aptly named because a big part of my life has changed recently. For one thing I am getting a civil ceremony with my partner in December :)..(So crochet has taken somewhat of a back seat lately)..but also I have changed another big part of my life in literally taking a leap of faith and going back to church..
The most scariest thing about the latter is that I had a complete meltdown prior to this..I won't go into personal details as its not really relevant..what is though is the fact that for me it took such a drastic thing happening to finally make me sit up take note & decide that I had to take control once & for all. What helped immensely is that the new Priest at my church is such a lovely sensitive helpful man he made me feel instantly at ease!..
I started gradually attending..& then I felt the urge to give all my unused books to the church for the Christmas fete..I could never have given this idea more than a seconds thought before..sure I could give a few to charity but this was alot of books! These have been my safety blanket. I bought dozens of new ones & was always rescuing them at library sales..until the cupboards in the flat were full..then the storage chest..so many books like my own private library..so many never even read..yet things are different suddenly but why??..
I am not going to sit here typing that everyone should go to church..that's not my decision to make..I think that the point is this..if you can find something that you love..that's just for you.. it has to makes you feel really passionate.. that can distract you from obsessions & rituals, something that you can lose yourself in...you can begin to battle against ocd..
Also having someone who believes in you is also a HUGE help along with someone who will not take any nonsense but in a loving caring way..because sometimes when we are alone with our ocd we can make small things seem so huge..when really they are nothing to fear..my partner is great at this...she is caring & gently explains things yet is firm when needed..& again my Priest is a great confidant..
I hope this helps someone
take care all until next time..
The most scariest thing about the latter is that I had a complete meltdown prior to this..I won't go into personal details as its not really relevant..what is though is the fact that for me it took such a drastic thing happening to finally make me sit up take note & decide that I had to take control once & for all. What helped immensely is that the new Priest at my church is such a lovely sensitive helpful man he made me feel instantly at ease!..
I started gradually attending..& then I felt the urge to give all my unused books to the church for the Christmas fete..I could never have given this idea more than a seconds thought before..sure I could give a few to charity but this was alot of books! These have been my safety blanket. I bought dozens of new ones & was always rescuing them at library sales..until the cupboards in the flat were full..then the storage chest..so many books like my own private library..so many never even read..yet things are different suddenly but why??..
I am not going to sit here typing that everyone should go to church..that's not my decision to make..I think that the point is this..if you can find something that you love..that's just for you.. it has to makes you feel really passionate.. that can distract you from obsessions & rituals, something that you can lose yourself in...you can begin to battle against ocd..
Also having someone who believes in you is also a HUGE help along with someone who will not take any nonsense but in a loving caring way..because sometimes when we are alone with our ocd we can make small things seem so huge..when really they are nothing to fear..my partner is great at this...she is caring & gently explains things yet is firm when needed..& again my Priest is a great confidant..
I hope this helps someone
take care all until next time..
Friday 23 August 2013
Life its impact on ocd - shopping and hoarding..beginning to heal
Hi all!,
This time I wanted to concentrate more on life's impact on ocd. When I go through hard times in my life. I seem to shut down to all that is good for me. I don't knit, crochet, read or sometimes even talk to people. I just go into a daze & find myself surfing endlessly for books and other things..It has left me wondering how many others do this? What are their strategies for coping? What are mine?
It is difficult to find the point at which I first start to self destruct!!..therefore I can have spent many hours already doing my rituals before it suddenly hits me that I am in the middle of a downward spiral. My advice if this happens to you is don't hit yourself over the head with the invisible mallet shouting ' you useless idiot'..try to take a moment of calm to reflect & ask yourself a few questions..how am I feeling now? what is going on in my life at this time? is there anything that is hurting either physical or emotional? am I under any undue pressure at home or at work? are there any little things nagging me?.What feels different has changed?
These questions can help us find perspective and not only give us an idea of how we are feeling at this time but also help us to think back at what might have triggered us. 'Change' of any kind even tiny things can have a big impact on ocd, as can stress.
Once you have answered these questions you may feel instantly worse because you are now facing knowledge of exactly what the route of the problem is..or atleast you should have some idea. I could say do not panic but as we know with ocd this is the first thing we do. at this point I am usually staring at amazon on the pc & pondering my next book or several...then a funny thing happened & I realised..What if I didn't order this book. What if the psycologist is right..if I can walk away & let this book thats sticking in my head just stick there..then I kept telling myself I wasn't gonna buy it for a couple of days..
When I came back to the screen a few days later..I wasn't feeling half as much as if I needed it as before... but it was a hard fight!..The thing is if only I could do this every time.. if only I was that strong..but life keeps throwing stuff at me..like it does all of us..in the weakest moments ocd strikes hard..then I want this thing and that thing and no telling myself 'you don't need it' will help atal!..I don't crochet or knit I just aquire..but now I am sitting here thinking that I need a plan of action!!
In order to overcome binge buying we must first recognise the unhelpful & helpful qualities of our own problems
For every one of us these will be of course different:
Recognise your triggers
when I aquire..where, why, how do I aquire?
I need to notice when I am going about my day the things that trigger me into going online and buying.. and when I am online doing stuff I need to know what things on websites are triggering me.. maybe a subject matter or colour or design..
my emotions are a big part of things to..if I am feeling particularly fragile probably best to steer clear of the pc..this extends to shops too..The biggest problem is that triggers are everywhere!.. I also have a tendency to overdo the housework..cleaning is another big way of avoiding stuff that bothers me so it builds up inside me.. Health problems, daily stresses, change, things people say either hurtful stuff or over constructive help, overdoing the housework etc & not having any 'me' time.. can all affect me.
Recognise your strengths & allies
The strength to think things through, to show compassion to others ( which could be extended to showing compassion for self), creative talents knitting, crocheting, artwork, writing (blogging,songs,stories, poetry), reading, singing,...other helpful allies: meditation, studying my beliefs, talking to friends and family, dancing (I'm not a dancer but fond of trying).
Be your own best friend
Don't be hard on yourself..keep trying..finding a close family member or friend who will not assist in your aquiring nor be critical is hard but not impossible..if you can find someone who you can turn to & ask them when I am going through it can you distract me by talking about something else to me, thats great..this can be very helpful. However also worth keeping in mind is.. when ocd strikes in the early hours of the morning.. or at a time when they are not available..ultimately at some point we must be alone with our illness and be accountable to ourselves for our actions.. however this cannot be done harshly as this will just create a vicious cycle of self harm.. In whatever form this takes whether physical or mental..it is not the answer..it can be dangerously addictive and add to your problems..if you are doing any kind of self harm..please seek professional help..so its important to always be good to yourself.
building on this point
Take some 'me' time
I know what you are thinking! if you work lots of hours, have kids etc etc.. it can be hard..but if we neglect ourselves then how can we expect to be well..if it is just five minutes of knitting or reading your fave mag on the bus on the way to work..DO IT!..even a cup of your fave coffee n remembering something you did that you enjoyed.. a joke that made you laugh of your babies first words..can mean alot especially when we are feeling very fragile. I keep a photo of my fiance & me opposite my bed so that she is the first thing I see when I wake up..its a great way to start my day..calming pictures like the sea.. or flowers and fave colours..maybe a crystal, a note or something small you can keep in your pocket & take out is a nice thing to keep with you..I love crystals myself..& the sea always calms me too..especially in meditation. what are yours?
Setting goals
I am determined I am going to make some handmade items..also that I am gonna make some savings for my future..I know its hard to achieve goals but if we do not set them in the first place we will never have anything to achieve..which then just leaves us nothing to aim for..they need not be big goals..I have had days when I have struggled to motivate myself to pick up a crochet hook when ocd depression has set in..so I set myself the task of starting a granny square..then when I managed to start it I set myself the goal of completing it..I was so happy when it was done..just a simple thing helped me that day..be proud of your accomplishments no matter how little they may seem to others its what matters to you that counts!.yourself when you achieve something..give yourself words of encouragement..just don't fall into the trap of buying yourself a reward!!!
remember you are not alone..I am struggling too..big hugs :)
...if you find my post helpful please leave me a comment.also if you would like to share your own thoughts on ocd I'd love to hear from you..
take care until next time..
This time I wanted to concentrate more on life's impact on ocd. When I go through hard times in my life. I seem to shut down to all that is good for me. I don't knit, crochet, read or sometimes even talk to people. I just go into a daze & find myself surfing endlessly for books and other things..It has left me wondering how many others do this? What are their strategies for coping? What are mine?
It is difficult to find the point at which I first start to self destruct!!..therefore I can have spent many hours already doing my rituals before it suddenly hits me that I am in the middle of a downward spiral. My advice if this happens to you is don't hit yourself over the head with the invisible mallet shouting ' you useless idiot'..try to take a moment of calm to reflect & ask yourself a few questions..how am I feeling now? what is going on in my life at this time? is there anything that is hurting either physical or emotional? am I under any undue pressure at home or at work? are there any little things nagging me?.What feels different has changed?
These questions can help us find perspective and not only give us an idea of how we are feeling at this time but also help us to think back at what might have triggered us. 'Change' of any kind even tiny things can have a big impact on ocd, as can stress.
Once you have answered these questions you may feel instantly worse because you are now facing knowledge of exactly what the route of the problem is..or atleast you should have some idea. I could say do not panic but as we know with ocd this is the first thing we do. at this point I am usually staring at amazon on the pc & pondering my next book or several...then a funny thing happened & I realised..What if I didn't order this book. What if the psycologist is right..if I can walk away & let this book thats sticking in my head just stick there..then I kept telling myself I wasn't gonna buy it for a couple of days..
When I came back to the screen a few days later..I wasn't feeling half as much as if I needed it as before... but it was a hard fight!..The thing is if only I could do this every time.. if only I was that strong..but life keeps throwing stuff at me..like it does all of us..in the weakest moments ocd strikes hard..then I want this thing and that thing and no telling myself 'you don't need it' will help atal!..I don't crochet or knit I just aquire..but now I am sitting here thinking that I need a plan of action!!
In order to overcome binge buying we must first recognise the unhelpful & helpful qualities of our own problems
For every one of us these will be of course different:
Recognise your triggers
when I aquire..where, why, how do I aquire?
I need to notice when I am going about my day the things that trigger me into going online and buying.. and when I am online doing stuff I need to know what things on websites are triggering me.. maybe a subject matter or colour or design..
my emotions are a big part of things to..if I am feeling particularly fragile probably best to steer clear of the pc..this extends to shops too..The biggest problem is that triggers are everywhere!.. I also have a tendency to overdo the housework..cleaning is another big way of avoiding stuff that bothers me so it builds up inside me.. Health problems, daily stresses, change, things people say either hurtful stuff or over constructive help, overdoing the housework etc & not having any 'me' time.. can all affect me.
Recognise your strengths & allies
The strength to think things through, to show compassion to others ( which could be extended to showing compassion for self), creative talents knitting, crocheting, artwork, writing (blogging,songs,stories, poetry), reading, singing,...other helpful allies: meditation, studying my beliefs, talking to friends and family, dancing (I'm not a dancer but fond of trying).
Be your own best friend
Don't be hard on yourself..keep trying..finding a close family member or friend who will not assist in your aquiring nor be critical is hard but not impossible..if you can find someone who you can turn to & ask them when I am going through it can you distract me by talking about something else to me, thats great..this can be very helpful. However also worth keeping in mind is.. when ocd strikes in the early hours of the morning.. or at a time when they are not available..ultimately at some point we must be alone with our illness and be accountable to ourselves for our actions.. however this cannot be done harshly as this will just create a vicious cycle of self harm.. In whatever form this takes whether physical or mental..it is not the answer..it can be dangerously addictive and add to your problems..if you are doing any kind of self harm..please seek professional help..so its important to always be good to yourself.
building on this point
Take some 'me' time
I know what you are thinking! if you work lots of hours, have kids etc etc.. it can be hard..but if we neglect ourselves then how can we expect to be well..if it is just five minutes of knitting or reading your fave mag on the bus on the way to work..DO IT!..even a cup of your fave coffee n remembering something you did that you enjoyed.. a joke that made you laugh of your babies first words..can mean alot especially when we are feeling very fragile. I keep a photo of my fiance & me opposite my bed so that she is the first thing I see when I wake up..its a great way to start my day..calming pictures like the sea.. or flowers and fave colours..maybe a crystal, a note or something small you can keep in your pocket & take out is a nice thing to keep with you..I love crystals myself..& the sea always calms me too..especially in meditation. what are yours?
Setting goals
I am determined I am going to make some handmade items..also that I am gonna make some savings for my future..I know its hard to achieve goals but if we do not set them in the first place we will never have anything to achieve..which then just leaves us nothing to aim for..they need not be big goals..I have had days when I have struggled to motivate myself to pick up a crochet hook when ocd depression has set in..so I set myself the task of starting a granny square..then when I managed to start it I set myself the goal of completing it..I was so happy when it was done..just a simple thing helped me that day..be proud of your accomplishments no matter how little they may seem to others its what matters to you that counts!.yourself when you achieve something..give yourself words of encouragement..just don't fall into the trap of buying yourself a reward!!!
remember you are not alone..I am struggling too..big hugs :)
...if you find my post helpful please leave me a comment.also if you would like to share your own thoughts on ocd I'd love to hear from you..
take care until next time..
Sunday 2 June 2013
Adventures in extreme freeform crochet
I'm sorry that my blog entries are very sparce but blogger is terrible on blackberry mobile phones the upload button seems to be missing?? and migraines make using he pc hard....
I am now getting more crotchet done though as I have a rotten cold and having more in common with the undead leaves plenty of room for crochet.Of course I am still attempting the housework, going between bowls of soaking washing ( don't even mention washing machines!!), feeding screaming cats ( mine could rival most opera singers!) and fixing dinner for me/ my partner) phonening/texting & begging her to bring food home)...
A couple of nights ago I remembered this huge 20mm crochet hook, (the one theat hasn't seen the light of day since that wow!! have to have, must try this moment). Like Indianna Jones making his way through the jungle I unearthed box after box until I discovered my pink big wool balls & some other rather lovely soft pastel mixed colour/wool balls..
I sat down with my hook & began my own adventure!
It wasn't long before I had the makings of a rather lovely lacy freeform crochet shawl...The two yarns are held together as I work.Also I am trying to keep going for as long as possible without changing yarns, when the ball ends I change them. Whilst my way of working is rather more messy with bits jutting out everywhere in lumps and bumps! Myra Wood uses a technique in her book creative crochet lace she calls it 'doodle lace' this is what gave me the idea for my extreme freeform crochet version.
After a little while crocheting one side began to look straighter than the others so I decided this will be the top edgee time I have straightened it off more I tired I went to bed. I continued my work last night until I was too tired to see straight O.o....
I think I will make a large paper pattern for a triangular shawl as at this stage I really need something to place my work against that will help me determine overall size and shape. With smaller garments like the shawlette I made, it is just as easy to work without a pattern. This is providing you use a dressmaking dummy to pin the work to..
Here are my tips for this freeform crochet:
1) Don't be scared to dive in and create with wild abandon intuitive work is always the best.
2) If an area is jutting out try working some stitches around it either at the time or when you come back to that area then attach it to the main work. Ripping out is rarely necessary with freeform work.
3) Look everywhere for inspiration for your colours and texture.. your books, photo's, magazines
4) Keep a journal, draw, paint, create an art journal is great inspiration!..if you think you can't draw or paint keep you magazine clippings here & clippings of your favourite yarns..
5) Have fun!! put on your fave music & crochet the night away!!
until next time keep hooking, keep smiling and take care!
I am now getting more crotchet done though as I have a rotten cold and having more in common with the undead leaves plenty of room for crochet.Of course I am still attempting the housework, going between bowls of soaking washing ( don't even mention washing machines!!), feeding screaming cats ( mine could rival most opera singers!) and fixing dinner for me/ my partner) phonening/texting & begging her to bring food home)...
A couple of nights ago I remembered this huge 20mm crochet hook, (the one theat hasn't seen the light of day since that wow!! have to have, must try this moment). Like Indianna Jones making his way through the jungle I unearthed box after box until I discovered my pink big wool balls & some other rather lovely soft pastel mixed colour/wool balls..
I sat down with my hook & began my own adventure!
It wasn't long before I had the makings of a rather lovely lacy freeform crochet shawl...The two yarns are held together as I work.Also I am trying to keep going for as long as possible without changing yarns, when the ball ends I change them. Whilst my way of working is rather more messy with bits jutting out everywhere in lumps and bumps! Myra Wood uses a technique in her book creative crochet lace she calls it 'doodle lace' this is what gave me the idea for my extreme freeform crochet version.
After a little while crocheting one side began to look straighter than the others so I decided this will be the top edgee time I have straightened it off more I tired I went to bed. I continued my work last night until I was too tired to see straight O.o....
I think I will make a large paper pattern for a triangular shawl as at this stage I really need something to place my work against that will help me determine overall size and shape. With smaller garments like the shawlette I made, it is just as easy to work without a pattern. This is providing you use a dressmaking dummy to pin the work to..
Here are my tips for this freeform crochet:
1) Don't be scared to dive in and create with wild abandon intuitive work is always the best.
2) If an area is jutting out try working some stitches around it either at the time or when you come back to that area then attach it to the main work. Ripping out is rarely necessary with freeform work.
3) Look everywhere for inspiration for your colours and texture.. your books, photo's, magazines
4) Keep a journal, draw, paint, create an art journal is great inspiration!..if you think you can't draw or paint keep you magazine clippings here & clippings of your favourite yarns..
5) Have fun!! put on your fave music & crochet the night away!!
until next time keep hooking, keep smiling and take care!
Saturday 9 March 2013
Hi all,
I have been very busy lately so not much time for crochet..I have been juggling kitchen items and finding areas to squeeze them in because we live in a tiny flat..the council guys are coming on wednesday to refurbish my kitchen..so everything has needed moving out..I am however selling some of my work on ebay..it's my first sale so please take a peek...
http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/321087014405?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649
Saturday 16 February 2013
what's happening and a knitting book review
Hi all,
My crochet is coming along slowly, much more slowly than I'd like..It is easy to get distracted by other things when you have ocd..I also have a more recent interest in needle tatting which seems to have become a huge distraction from the crochet although the more different crafts i know how to do the more of a disttraction they are from my rituals so this could be a positive thing!
I found a cool video on youtube about making art yarn on a drop spindle which would be a lovely addition to my knitting and crochet...so I will be trying this in the near future...watch this space!!
My review for the book Handknit your home by Melanie Porter
I expected this book to contain covers for various types of chair in Melanies quirky patchwork style..it doesn't! So I was vey dissapointed by this however..the closest thing is the little stool you can see on the cover which I liked..Also of interest is the unusual of rope poufee and I adored the chunky bramble hedge throw..in fact by the time I had finished the book I was one over!..I love it!!..there is a nice section on measuring furniture so you can make your own covers and also the patterns are knit on bigger needles so great for quick knits..great for stranding various yarns together at the same time and knitting...all together a refreshingly bright aray of colour a good mix of patterns. You can see my review and a full synopsis of the book here http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1908862688/ref=oh_details_o05_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
My crochet is coming along slowly, much more slowly than I'd like..It is easy to get distracted by other things when you have ocd..I also have a more recent interest in needle tatting which seems to have become a huge distraction from the crochet although the more different crafts i know how to do the more of a disttraction they are from my rituals so this could be a positive thing!
I found a cool video on youtube about making art yarn on a drop spindle which would be a lovely addition to my knitting and crochet...so I will be trying this in the near future...watch this space!!
My review for the book Handknit your home by Melanie Porter
I expected this book to contain covers for various types of chair in Melanies quirky patchwork style..it doesn't! So I was vey dissapointed by this however..the closest thing is the little stool you can see on the cover which I liked..Also of interest is the unusual of rope poufee and I adored the chunky bramble hedge throw..in fact by the time I had finished the book I was one over!..I love it!!..there is a nice section on measuring furniture so you can make your own covers and also the patterns are knit on bigger needles so great for quick knits..great for stranding various yarns together at the same time and knitting...all together a refreshingly bright aray of colour a good mix of patterns. You can see my review and a full synopsis of the book here http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1908862688/ref=oh_details_o05_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
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